I'm on a High from Dancing

Some of my friends and I went to an on-campus contra dance. It was amazing!!! The band was small but really good...the callers were students who took turns calling and dancing!!!! They were also very good. I ended up getting to dance with people who really knew what they were doing so it was really fun!!! I really needed to do something like this...put on a long skirt and go to a traditional kind of dance!!! It's so amazing...the guys ask the girls to dance and then when you are dancing they spin you around really, really fast so that your feet almost come off the floor and your skirt and hair fly around you!!! I feel like a Cinderella...I got to go to the ball and now I'm home and my feet hurt...but I'm sooooooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Knight Errant, The Thief, the King, The Second in Command, and the Sailor

I really love my English class!! I love it even more now that I've learned that we can rewrite our papers as much as we want to!!!! It appears that Robin disagrees with the Social structure and goes into the forest to create his own...except....is it really the same structure as the outside world, but with Robin in the position of power. Is that all a change in social structure is...a change in leadership? Hmmm... Now we are moving on and we have entered the realm of Kind Arthur and his Knights. Except, just like with Robin Hood...he is not the hero. It's really Little John and Sir Gawain who are the real heroes and look after their wayward masters!!!!

I don't have much to do today. I have practice at 4pm...but I hung out this afternoon...pretending to do work. Getting work done early is a luxury I haven't had in a while...so I really don't know what to do with myself!!! I think I'll probably just hang out tonight or go somewhere after practice...but then I'll have tomorrow and Sunday to do work. I should be fine...and even get some stuff done early...I need to get to the point when I'm doing my work well, and not just managing to turn it in on time!!!

Why do my legs hurt...I was sailing...shouldn't my arms hurt?

Oh...I forgot to write about sailing yesterday...well...I'll write about it after today's practice!!!!

Sleep

It's now 2:30am and I'm waking up at 8am or 9am if I want to get less work done. I slept until 10am...and then did work, went to my one person class, came home, did work...fell asleep on Ann-Marie's bed...went to dinner, did some work...went to the library with Sam...did more work...came back home...did some work in Nadeem's amazing new chair...he went to bed...I finished my work and fell asleep in his chair...woke up...tiptoed out of his room and turned off the lights...went to my room where my roommate was getting into bed...it just seems that most of my day has centered around sleep...me sleeping, but everyone else sleeping too! And on that note...G'night! It's been a good day!!!! Oh, I also drew chalk pictures on several people's doors!!!

I DIDN'T FAIL My QUIZ TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I got a 140 instead of a 40...this makes me sooooo happy!! My professor has decided to hold a separate class for me and go at a slower pace than the other two students in the class!!!! End of story!!! Now I have to study for Latin! Hurray!!!!!

I like Food

This is a good conclusion to reach!!! I realize this every Yom Kippur when I get tiered and hungry and thirsty and less happy than I'd usually be, and not be able to focus...I don't shut down...but it's scary to feel your body and mind not working as well as usual. It proves that we do eat not just for psychological fulfillment but also to give our bodies energy to function!!!!

It's been a quite weekend. Many people are not here, working, etc. Alanna moved out...I didn't see her before she left. "My Boys" left for the weekend...things just aren't as fun without them around...that's Nadeem and Sam. But I hung out in Ann-Marie's room doing HW for a while...and Josh...another sophomore was there too...so that was really good...and I actually ate dinner with someone who doesn't live in Hewitt...I broke the fast with a girl, Eric, a first year I met at the first Friday services of the year...and her friend from her dorm...and we ran into Jon from Vermont who lives in my dorm...a sophomore transfer I know...and so we ate with him too!! I actually got work done today...so I have less to do tomorrow. If I can manage to study enough for Greek and Latin I'll be sooo happy...otherwise everything else is under control. For the first time I got to do some work early. It's only Saturday and I did most of my Astronomy HW due Tuesday...so now I can go to TA hours and ask questions and do really well!!!

Mariel and Rithi...my next door neighbors were doing some roommate bonding...and decided to go roll down Foss Hill. This was at 11:30. So I brought my camera and watched them and their stuff. And then Josh found us...and then left...and then Chris came out...and the four of us were sitting toward the bottom of the hill, whence the girls had rolled...and we played this song game where you have to go from song to song finding words that link them together!!! The silhouette of the trees above us was beautiful...and the steeples and roof lines for College Row against the reddish sky lit up from town...and the library lights were blazing out, and we couldn't see any stars...it was cloudy...occasionally drops of rain would land on our upturned faces. Chris almost brought his guitar...but we warned him about the rain, so he didn't. It was so peaceful. Other people were sitting out there too, or walking through...some were drunk...we heard drunken singing earlier! Someone had brought a blanket and even candles!!!

Blog

I like how at first we all wrote a lot. Then eventually things slowed down...we were squelching through the rough year of a Sophomore and our environments weren't new...we had less to say. But now we are mighty Juniors...some in different places, some back from different places, some going to different places, and some doing new things, or really getting tiered of the old ones. Once again, we have more to say.

It's just so nice to share my life and log on to find updates from other people to. The best parts are the side conversations in the comments...I've always enjoyed them immensely and am glad that once again there are discussions afoot!!!!

I'm at the point in my semester when it's not the beginning anymore and now all of the work that I haven't done is going to bite me in the butt...starting with my quiz on Tuesday. We've read 1 complete book out of 11 that make up the Latin novel we are reading!!!! And it's only the beginning of the semester. The language isn't too hard...but I don't have the drive to read that much for each class and know it well enough to translate without notes in class!!! AH!!!! Oh well.

There is a big bowl of candy outside my door because I drove into town to go shopping today and decided that the Halloween candy at Brooks/ Rite Aid looked so fun I needed to feed my hall. Automatic reaction. And plus, food is an excellent way to trick people into coming into your doorway to talk to you! hehehe No...it's just so much fun to see how happy candy makes people...especially when most of us stay up until at least 2am everyday. I'll hang a bag of it on my door perhaps...or just leave the bowl out overnight. It's also just an experiment to see how fast my floor can eat it!

PS: The photo is part of the Arts Complex at Wesleyan.

Bohemian Rhapsody

I love this song. "Is this the real life-Is this just fantasy-Caught in a landslide-No escape from reality-Open your eyes-Look up to the skies and see..." I never realized that last year when Glee Club sang it for Convocation. I really did like it, but now I love it. Maybe I'm just desperate for things to love. It's so much better to spend time loving things rather than spending time hating your homework!!! But now I've got it on CD # 4 from Jess and I'm really enjoying it. It kind of suits my mood. I'm not exactly sure what the song is about...or the history behind it, if there is any, but there definitely are feelings that go along with it whether or not I get all of it!!!! In the soundtrack of my life it's playing right now!!!! I'm in those about to burst into tears moods. There's no possible way I'll do well on any of my homework due tomorrow. Why didn't I start it earlier? Actually, I did a lot of the Astronomy last night!!!! I just didn't get it together until the end of last week...or really, until this weekend!!!! I'm sure I didn't do so well at the beginning of my first year...but as a Junior I feel that I should have perfected everything. But I'm not really a Junior...I feel more like a Sophomore or First Year. OK...now I'm homesick for Smith Glee Club. I always thought I didn't have that much group allegiance...chorus wasn't where I had all my friends, it was just where I sang...but currently I really miss the people in it...I can actually picture them...I miss being somewhere where I already belong. Now that I'm not at Smith I feel like I belong in Glee Club more...compared with things here. I miss my houses too...Parsons and Haven. At the same time I REALLY love my dorm here!!!!!!!!!! And I'd rather be here. But I'd rather be here next weekend with another week of work under my belt. Well, now I'm ready to do work...and I need to do the best I can...I'm here to LEARN, not to do get STRESSED over not doing my very best every little second. This song is sooooo good!!!!! "Goodbye everybody, I've got to go." There's nothing better in life than harmony!!!! Ah, music!

Sunday Night Musings

Or rather, I should say Monday morning musings...but I don't want to think that "today" I have class!!!!

I had a breakdown last night and decided that I didn't want to take Greek or Latin or Astronomy and that I should somehow add chorus and some other classes where you just read a little and then discuss it!!! But I didn't want to give up. But then this afternoon I actually sat down and did my work and enjoyed doing it...and I decided that I really can't give Greek up!!!!! So I'm still a Classics Major, crisis averted...and tomorrow is the deadline for add/drop!!!! (Or drop/add as they say here...silly people.)

My big sister called and said she has a conference for her lab here next week...so she's going to come and go to Kol Nidrey services with me and possibly sleep on my floor!!!! And a girl from my house last semester was visiting as a prospective student and I saw her...so now I'm all turned around...I really don't want to be at Smith right now, but it's just strange to step back and say "What would have happened, what if I did that and not this, or this and not that????"

I'm also feeling like a failure because I didn't go out and party this weekend...though most likely any party there would be I wouldn't enjoy....but I want to try it before I make that decision...but it's always so much better to just hang out with people I know!!!

I miss my graphing calculator...I was doing my Astronomy homework with my scientific calculator...and it's soooo hard...I haven't thought about Physics since Fall of my Junior year of high school...it's been a while...I feel so stupid...there's so much that is basic that I can't do anymore!!!! Now I really miss Calc. and being that proficient at math!!!! Units and conversions are sooooo annoying!!!! I feel well rounded now...my brain is having to think in ways it hasn't in several years!!!! It feels good, yet tiering...like pre-season!!!

It got colder...so I've been able to wear more of my favorite clothing. I don't actually wear tank-tops because I feel like showing off that much skin, but because they are so comfortable and cool...but I was able to wear my field hockey shirt from Freshman year of high school...which is getting pretty holey!!!! I also wore a sweatshirt inside, of all crazy things!!!! There's nothing like curling up in your pajama's and a sweatshirt and doing homework.

I really could have gotten to bed earlier, but I was getting work done, so I wanted to continue!!!! That's a first this year...staying up because I was getting work done!!! It's been a pretty good day!!!!

I decided at one point today that I really needed a hug...but my friends are at Smith, or other schools...or Europe!!!!! Sometimes I think I'm doing a pretty good job at being grown up and doing things on my own...but then I get a message from a friend or talk on AIM or read a blog or something...and really miss everyone!!!! I'm constantly wandering into other people's rooms here...and I'm so much happier with other people than by myself. I'll perch on someone's bed, or curl up in a chair and talk for a while, or bring my work in!!!

I think in this country with our ideals of self-betterment and upward mobility and everything we admire people who can work on their own. Teamwork isn't valued as much, no one ever got rich by sharing. So those of us who prefer not to work alone are looked at as weak. It's a flaw. Yet it just means we do different kinds of things. We can work on our own, we just often choose not to. I mean, I usually do my homework by myself, but just in the company of others. I can be a leader, when necessary.

I'm currently listening to nsync again, well, only the good songs!!! And am curled up at my desk, my desk lamp is nice and warm and my sweatshirt is just making me soooo happy. It smells like fall. There's nothing better than that!!!! The crisp smell, not the smell of rotting leaves...this is the pre-leaves falling part of fall. I think we'll go pick apples some day!!!

I think I'm going to join the Sailing Club Team thing...something different to do, that I have wanted to learn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And new people to meet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It sounds like everyone has been having a good time back at school so far...several computer issues, but things are going well!!!!!?????!!!!!

I'm so happy...I'm missing people and it's reminding me of how beautiful the world is! If the world weren't beautiful I wouldn't have people to miss!!! Funny how you can both be kind of sad and extremely happy at the same time!!!! This year feels right!!! Last year didn't...but the world and my place in it finally feels right!!!!

Music in general-sometimes I listen to beautiful music to make myself feel better...but the music will be so wonderful that I'll just want to cry at the beauty of it...it both comforts and causes pain. Why is pleasure also pain? It seems that the two are woven together. I guess this could be a very pessimistic view to take. But it makes beauty worth it. Easy things to achieve or get are usually not worth much!!! Like climbing a mountain...or being a Classics major...writing a novel...making a new friend, keeping an old one...these things have great meaning... I like the idea that without pain we wouldn't appreciate all that is not pain!!!!!!!!

I also like the idea that if I go to bed I'll stop writing too much nonsense!!!!

End of Birthday Summary

So it was a great day!!!! After I had class I hung around, did as little home work as possible and generally had a good time and relaxed. Then around 7pm we started gathering people to go out to eat in town. We left by 7:45...Me, Mariel, Rithi, Ann-Marie, Jevan, Michelle, Josh, Jon and Sam!!! We went to an Italian Restaurant in town. I got to order a glass of wine...it was good...I drank about half of it! : ) Then everyone wouldn't let me pay for my food and they sang happy birthday to me!!! We all walked as a group, all nine of us, instead of driving there. And now I did some of my home work but I'm going to bed early so I can wake up and do the rest tomorrow!!!! I only have one class on Fridays and it's my favorite: Medieval Myth and Legend in Britain!!!! We're currently reading Middle English Ballads about Robin Hood!!!! (Or Roben Hode and Leytyll Jon who out wit the screffe, and they take place in Notynggam!!!!) And I got lots of posts on Facebook!!!! And many renditions of Happy Birthday!!! I feel well loved!!!!

My 21st Birthday!!!!

I was sitting in the hall with some people doing homework last night...after sitting around not doing much of it...I went to Rosh Hashanah Services and dinner with my roommate and Sam and then watched Sam play a football video game and he had fun explaining the sport to me!!! Then we actually got some work done...a bunch of us...sitting around in the hallway. And then people slowly drifted away to do other things, like going to bed!!! Then I checked my cell phone and it was almost midnight! At midnight a group of at least 7 people advanced on me down the hall and sang happy birthday to me!!! They sounded very good!!! And then right when they had finished Katie called me, as she'd said she would. And she then sang happy birthday to me again!!! We're going to go out later to dinner. Anyway...it's Rosh Hashanah and my birthday, and I'm not skipping class to go to Services...though since Astronomy Powerpoints are posted online, and I haven't done my Latin homework, I really should just skip both classes. But that will make me nervous. I didn't like the service here anyway...not very interesting, and too short!!!! And there wasn't much about the new year...it just felt like a strange Shabbat service. I think I'd rather spend the day on my own contemplating the meaning of it being a new year, and the meaning of me being able to drink legally!!!! : )

My New Wiggly Notebooks

Let me explain: I wore flip flops today, a skirt which dries easily, used my waterproof backpack and wore my rain jacket. My umbrella was in my bag. Smart girl that I am, I decided it wasn't raining that hard and to just use my rain jacket. On the way out of class again I didn't bother to get out my umbrella since I wasn't going too far...so I got completely soaked, except for my shoulders which were under my rain jacket...and my books and notebooks got wet. They were so beautiful and new and smooth, and if you know me you know how picky I am about my books...and they had Leah's seal of approval!!! But my notebooks now are wavy as they dry and I've got the whole stack under heavy objects, but I'm longing for the book press at the library...so I'm thinking of Sam right now!!! the ink from my pen turned blue where it ran...though it's permanent ink! It's been an interesting day. We finally got our screen fixed, so my roommate's pillow will not fall out the window!!!! We put in several work orders and I finally called Phys. Plant yesterday. I'm sure they weren't ignoring us on purpose, and weren't ignoring us with so much to do at the beginning of the year. But it was annoying...someone could fall out and we couldn't open our window all the way and it was too hot in our room...so I told him it was a safety issue. I'd like to think me calling them and bothering them helped it get done!! A guy came to replace it today, and twenty minutes later two more guys came to fix it. I had them fix our towel bar which was broken instead!! I still need to get the internet guy to come and fix my jack because so far I've just been using the wireless and it might be faster with the other connection, not that it's bad now. I'm not actually upset about my books...I mean, I am...I have to look at wiggly books and notebooks for the rest of the semester...but at least they are perfectly reusable...I can still read my notes...only the bottom got soaked!!! Sigh. But it was fun walking through the rain in my squishy flip flops!!! Amazing sound!!!!

Plus, it's September 11, how can I be upset about my books getting soaked? That seems so shallow!!!! I was thinking earlier that September 11 of course affected me, but not as much as if I knew personally the people who had died. I don't live in NYC. But it seems fitting that on the anniversary of so many deaths it is raining. I like the idea of the heavens themselves weeping at human suffering. Of course the rational part of my mind knows the clouds aren't keeping track of the calendar, but still! And yet, even though people in a city not too far from me had losses that day, my country had losses, and the world, it seems a bit presumptuous to think of this day as the worst day in history. There have been so many days of dying, and this is just the closest one to us. We should not give today less than its due, but we should not hold it high as the day above all other days. Rather, let us use it as a symbol of all of the suffering in the world. Some other days of sorrow have their own days of recognition, but not all.

Rather like the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, today is the day of unacknowledged sorrows. Yet that still seems so high and mighty a usage of this day. Not only today, but on other known days of human suffering, should we think about the suffering of which we do not know. And yet, then should we spend every day in mourning for lost humanity? And then must we spend every hour mourning the loss of every spider and mouse? When does this sorrow end? To each his own sorrow. Who said that? I know I didn't make it up. Then let those who wish to remember September 11, remember, and those who wish not to, not to, and those who wish to forget, forget. We cannot forget the large acts of human violence, nor can we dwell on them for our whole lives afterwards. We also cannot let less known sorrows pass us by...the things which happen far from us, but also the things which happen nearby.

Perhaps to remember September 11 is to sit with the person who is sitting alone at lunch, or pay someone's fare on the bus. Today will mean different things to different people, all of these meanings having value. Everyday, not only holidays and remembrances, should hold meaning. I know that many religions have holidays, times which are holier than other times, but that does not mean that the other times are devoid of any true meaning!

Suffering is a part of life, death happens to all of those who live, to shut it out is to shut out part of the human experience. But part of this experience is also to help others, to make the world a better place. We strive to continue on living. What else is there to do when your notebooks get all wiggly and you get soaked through. I suppose I could curse the gods for bringing this rain upon me, yet the parched grass is rejoicing, and I think those blades of almost greenness out number me!! So instead I'll turn my face up to the heavens, to the great whatever it is out there crying in pain, but also I think in joy, to the thick gray thunderous clouds and the deep green alive and earthy leaves and be glad to be me, where I am and who I am.

It's almost my birthday.

Love not at First Sight

I never applied to Wesleyan. I didn't like it that much. I loved Smith. There is nothing like Smith. But I'm now in love with Wes. It's just like I dreamed college would be!!!! I still love Smith, it's out of this world...it's a magical place which doesn't belong on ordinary maps. I love Wes but it's still ordinary. I miss Smith a little, but tonight I do not that much. I'm worrying about what happens at the end of the year when I want to stay here and I have to go back!!! I love both places, I can't choose between them. I love the people in both places. A little part of me will always belong here...as I belong at Smith.

Classes

Monday- Medieval Legend and Myth (English) & Lovers and Other Strangers (Greek)
Tuesday- Descriptive Astronomy & Apuleius: The Golden Ass (Latin)
Wednesday- Greek again
Thursday- Astronomy & Latin
Friday- Medieval Legend and Myth

My English class is focused on King Arther and Robin Hood!!!!! I almost didn't have a Friday class, but I really wanted to take this, so...yeah...
Latin is annoying because it's being taught by a prof from Yale or something who is filling in and can only come during lunch...so I'll always be hungry!!!! It's the 5th semester course.
Greek is my 3rd semester.
Astronomy is taught at the Observatory, which is on Foss Hill near my dorm. I need some science classes, and while this does use some math (yay) it's for non majors...and while I'm here I should take advantage of the special things they have!!!!

So three days a week I have two classes and two days I have only one!!!! And nothing before 10:30 am and nothing after 4pm!!!!!!!

I win!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Wes is awesome!!!!! (As in....it's really everything I've ever wanted college to be. It feels right! I love it!!!! But though it's really wonderful, it still is normal, while Smith isn't. And Smith is my first love. My loyalties lie firstly with Smith! Even when I have been here a little longer, and Wes seems like my place, and always a little part of me will belong at Wes, still-I fell in love with Smith first. )

Ugg...some girl is whining outside my door....she might be a Sophomore...but is probably a disillusioned Junior! I mostly hang out with Sophomores...transfers who live in my hall. I've met some Juniors...and I'd like to meet more, even Seniors....but it is nice to know people who also are new!!!

I'm really bored. I could organize my paperwork, or not. There's some form for damages in your room...may as well look it over... or I could go out into the hall and talk to continuing students who are moving in...they are moving in pretty soon after we did. We've only been here for 5 nights. I woke up at 7:30 to go do community service...and I need a nap now. It's that time in the afternoon!!!! At least it cooled off...it's been soooo hot here!

It's fun to do the whole new student thing again...and I've met some nice people...even first years...but it's hard...I don't want to gain a million first year friends...already most of the sophomores are two years younger than me! And first years are dealing with different things. On my service trip today they were talking about their high schools...something which I don't feel I need to do anymore. Now it's more about life in general and my place in it. Oh, I feel old and grown up now!!! One first year said it made sense when I told her I was a Junior visiting student. "You don't seem nervous enough to be a first year," she said. YAY!!!!